and we thought we were brave


 © Anyra Hamat



A friend told me
to write where words wanted to take me
but all I wanted to do is scream.

I asked him why it’s easier to put pain into words,
I asked him why it’s easier to share pain even though it hurts
so much. So much.

Maybe tears are some kind of ink and
laughter, joy are like sponges that suck
everything in our pens dry. in my pens dry.

We keep happiness to ourselves because,
yes, I don't know??? why?

A friend told me
we willingly would do horrible things
to ourselves to protect ourselves
even though it hurts so so much.
I asked him how I could fight the urge to scream.

Maybe we’re just scared all the time.

Fear has turned into that one friend who's supposedly a bad influence
the excuse, the "because of", the easy blame
but all along we could've said no
no, this is not who I am.
or we could have at least tried.

Maybe it’s not bravery that makes us share pain,
maybe it’s fear that makes us only share pain
when we could’ve had spread happiness all around us.

Anyra Hamat

originally written in May 2017
rewritten in December 2018

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